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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29162541">The Inevitable Friend</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoliTheSenate/pseuds/BoliTheSenate'>BoliTheSenate</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Critical Role (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Gen, and you cant convince me cad wouldnt support her, black moss cupcakes, but such is the nature of crack, but thats nothing new, essek has a minor crisis, i guess, i probably took more than one liberty with this, jester is a menace with that sending spell, jourrael is tired, no one escapes the jester lavorre friendship invite, the inevitable (fri)end, the man offered a hug to the woman who stabbed him</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 10:48:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,122</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29162541</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoliTheSenate/pseuds/BoliTheSenate</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It is a quiet day in the Xorhaus.<br/>Until Jester decides to invite a lost soul for tea and cupcakes.</p>
<p>Alternatively: the word limit of sending sometimes makes drastic measures necessary.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>79</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Inevitable Friend</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is inspired by that scene in ep. 89 where Jester asks Jourrael to be their friend as well as a tumblr post that made me aware of the existance of the very convenient spell "Planar Ally"</p>
<p>and as always, my need to create crack, tho this time in a new fandom i guess XD</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Do you think,” Jester suddenly piped up while still shuffling through her tarot cards, “that the Inevitable end misses us? It’s been kinda a long time since we saw her and she has like no friends here right?…”</p>
<p>Caduceus looked up from his cup of tea and leaned back in the polstered seat, looking up to the roots that tangled from the ceiling into the common rom and humming noncommittally.</p>
<p>“Because, <em>I</em> think she <em>totally</em> does.” The blue tiefling blabbered on. “I <em>messaged</em> her back when we were in Rexxentrum you know, to say thanks for helping and all that, and she said ‘<em>ooh I don’t don’t do friends’</em> and ‘<em>We will never ever meet again’</em> but like…. Maybe she’s like Beau? Or Essek! Because Essek <em>totally</em> wants to be our friend but he doesn’t say it, you now? Not <em>really</em> I mean. Maybe it’s a drow thing? And a Beau thing. Ooooh what if Beau is secretly a drow? A dreau?”</p>
<p>Tilting his head a bit to the side, Caduceus frowned. “I don’t think-“</p>
<p>But Jester didn’t even wait for him to finish his sentence.</p>
<p>“No, that can’t be, you’re right. She totally likes hugs. Hmm…” She rearranged her sitting position to hug her knees. “Maybe we should ask Essek? If it’s a drow thing I mean?” Caduceus just smiled good-naturedly and continued to sip on his tea. “Yeeeeah. I’ll totally ask Essek.”</p>
<p>And she cast immediately cast <em>sending</em>.</p>
<p>“<em>Heyyyy Essek</em>. <em>Do you know the Inevitable End? She’s also a drow. Kinda. But also a ghost. She tried to kill us once, but she-</em>“ and the spell cut off. “Aw balls,” she mumbled and then immediately cast another one. “<em>Don’t worry though, she was just mind controlled. Anyways, do drow have like a cultural thing against hugs? ‘Cuz Caduceus offered her a hug andshetotallywantedonebutdidn’tsayso</em>”</p>
<p>“Maaan,” she scrunched up her nose, “this is so much more difficult without Fjord and Nott to count words.”</p>
<p>Just as she wanted to cast a third message, Essek's slightly concerned sounding voice sounded in her head.</p>
<p>“<em>Jester. The Inevitable End? What business do you have with an assassin of the Spider Queen? Has something happened? And… hugs? I’ll be free in about twenty minutes, I am coming over, you still are in your house, yes?”</em></p>
<p>“Ya!” Jester quipped, nodding along. Then she frowned, unsure if Essek would have even heard that. After a moment of contemplation, she shrugged her shoulders, deciding not to dwell on it for longer. She turned back to Caduceus.</p>
<p>“He <em>totally</em> avoided talking about hugs. I think I am right. Though he said he was gonna come by in a bit…”</p>
<p>Pouting, she continued to shuffle her cards. Then she dramatically threw herself back onto the sofa where she slouched between some fink frilly pillows. “Maaan this is kinda boring. I, like, wanna ask Jourrael, but <em>sending</em> is just so limited! You cant have a decent conversation with this!” Caduceus chuckled slightly as he watched her hug a pillow and roll back and forth on the narrow space, almost falling off. She peeked over the frills.</p>
<p>“It would be <em>so cool</em> if I could talk to her like with the Traveller…”</p>
<p>Caduceus tilted his head a bit again.</p>
<p>“Well, you could just summon her, right?”</p>
<p>The rolling stopped dead.</p>
<p>“I could? Oh <em>man</em> Caduceus, <em>I totally could</em>!!” And she immediately jumped up, discarding the pillow and dragging the tall firbolg into a short but very enthusiastic hug.</p>
<p>“Aw, watch out for the tea-“ But it was too late. The contents of his almost finished cup spilled over her dress. Luckily, Jester managed to catch the cup before it hit the ground.</p>
<p>“Oh sorry, balls, I-“ Caduceus waved his hand dismissively. “Oh, don’t worry. I’m glad you caught the cup though, thanks for that.” Blushing a bit in embarrassment, Jester handed it back to him before shuffling a bit away.</p>
<p>“Aaaanyway.” And she spread her arms. “Imma summon Jourrael!”</p>
<p>After a pause she added. “You know, initially I wanted to try to use this spell to maybe summon the traveller for dinner sometimes, I think he’d totally enjoy that. “ Caduceus looked slightly sceptical at that, but Jester was fully occupied with her own musings. “But I guess it’ll have to wait. I mean, he can just visit whenever he wants anyways, he has us and his other followers and me as his friends! But the Inevitable End must be so lonely.”</p>
<p>She nodded to herself. “Oookayy. Here I go!”</p>
<p>Clutching the Traveller’s symbol to her chest, she shouted in a dramatic voice; “Jourraell! Jourrael! Jourrael! Come and visit us!” and then after a brief pause, she added, “we have muffins!”</p>
<p>For a moment, nothing happened.</p>
<p>Just as Jester’s shoulders slumped down and she thought the spell had failed, Caduceus’ eyes widened slightly and he unconsciously set his fingers lightly around the shaft of his staff that was leaned against his seat.</p>
<p>“<em>Why</em>…?”, a audibly confused and slightly annoyed voice sounded from behind her back.</p>
<p>“<em>You came</em>!” Jester spun around excitedly, the ornamental bells affixed to her horns jingling wildly.</p>
<p>Jourrael, the Inevitable End, Assassin of Lolth, just stared at the bouncy blue tiefling before her. Then her eyes flitted to the left and right, taking in her surroundings and visibly growing more confused by the second. With a deep breath she slowly lowered her two daggers, as no threat seemed imminent.</p>
<p>“Hi there!” Caduceus waved smilingly in her direction. “Long time no see.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The drow-entity opened her mouth, as if to ask something, but then closed it again, seemingly deciding against it.</p>
<p>“<em>O.M.G</em>.” The tiefling, Jester, who, quick as the wind, had dashed to the low coffetable and was now balancing a tray of Muffins in all colours of the rainbow that were decorated very generously with sugarpearls, frosting, little flowers and sugar unicorns and sprinkles. “Here! You <em>gotta</em> try one of these! They are all fresh, me and Caduceus made them this morning! They are <em>sooo</em> good, and I guess you didn’t get a lot of muffins when you were with Obann and stuff.”</p>
<p>Upon closer inspection, the sprinkles were all formed like teeny tiny dicks.</p>
<p>For the first time in a very, very long time, the Inevitable End was at a loss for words.</p>
<p>“You really should try them.” the pink haired firbolg encouraged her with a nod, then slowly stood up from his seat. “Imma head to the kitchen to make some more tea.” And he scrutinized her for a second or two, then nodded to himself. “Yeah, no sugar for you, right? You don’t seem the type.” Then he turned away making his way across the room.</p>
<p>Who in their right mind would <em>actually, deliberately turn their back to her?!</em> Especially when she had been previously tried to kill him? Jourrrael’s outrage was cut short by an ominously coloured muffin that was all but shoved in her face. It was dark, almost black and for a second she thought it just was burned to a crisp, but it didn’t smell burned at all.</p>
<p>“Here, try one of these! They are called black moss cupcakes and they are suuuper good. I got the recipy from a nice lady in Uthodurn, though I think hers were a bit better…”</p>
<p>The googly-eyed unicorn head made from sugar that was sticking out of the frosting stared right into Jourrael’s non-existent soul.</p>
<p>“Why am I here.”</p>
<p>The blue girl cocked her head.</p>
<p>Lowering the tray she grinned. “Weeeelll… I mean, you know, you were probably all lonely here after being awoken and all of that, and I know you said you didn’t do friends and stuff, but! We’ve got this other drow friend and he’s <em>totally</em> just like you and is always all like ‘<em>uuuuh no, why do I have to come and teleport you again</em>’ and ‘<em>no, Jester, I don’t want hugs</em>’ but you know, he actually <em>really</em> likes us, sooo....” And she winks at her. “And I figured, you know, since were in Xorhas and all and <em>sending</em> is really tedious to keep up with each other and I could just summon you, even though I <em>initially</em> wanted t-“</p>
<p>Jourrael cut her rambling off with a sharp gesture.</p>
<p>“<em>Why. Have. You. Summoned. Me</em>.”</p>
<p>The girl blinked. “<em>Why</em>, to hang out of course! Do you want to see the jakkuzi?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The way to the Mighty Nein’s house took less time as usual. Essek wouldn’t say he was hurrying, but he also wasn’t taking his sweet time.</p>
<p>He was a bit worried. Jester had mentioned the Inevitable End, an entity known to be affiliated with Lolth as well as having attacked the Nein previously. Although the tiefling hadn’t sounded like there was trouble, one never knew with them. Plus, he certainly was curious as to why hugs had anything to do with drow and maybe the Inevitable End. Curious and slightly afraid.</p>
<p>This was a group who challenged an ancient white dragon to enchant some metal. He expected nothing and everything at the same time.</p>
<p>Finally reaching the threshold to the… <em>Xorhaus</em>, as they called it, the gigantic illuminated tree slowly rustling above him, he hesitated a second. Then he shrugged off whatever ominous feeling caught him and knocked loudly.</p>
<p>After a few moments, Caduceus opened the door.</p>
<p>“Oh hey, nice to see you, Jester said you were coming.” The pink-haired firbolg bid him inside. “I have just made another pot of tea, so you’re certainly right on time.”</p>
<p>As he entered, the tension fell off his shoulders. It seemed like everything was normal, the interior was fine and Caduceus didn’t seem like they had a problem. A tiny poisonous voice in the back of his mind was annoyed to have been summoned away from his duties when there was nothing important to discuss. Which was nonsense, he was fully aware that he himself had decided to show up.</p>
<p>“<em>Jester</em>? Essek has come.” Caduceus announced.</p>
<p>“<em>Essek</em>!” A whirlwind of blue, green and pink collided with him and caught him In a bone-crushing hug. He froze.</p>
<p>“Hello Jester,” he pressed out awkwardly, “now, if you would release me, you seemed to have some questions? About-“</p>
<p>“Oh, well, ya, that’s kinda been resolved already. <em>But</em>! Come on in, we’ve got tea and muffins and the more the merrier!” She said excitedly as she was dragging him towards the living area with the couches and sofas.</p>
<p>Which was when he saw the other, unfamiliar drow. She was sitting on the outer most edge of a gigantic pink and green plush seat, back ramrod straight, in one hand holding a muffin Essek felt looked somehow familiar, and with the other hesitantly petting a skittish and very lean crimson weasel.</p>
<p>“Essek, say hi to Jou! Jou this is our friend Essek, I’ve told you about him!”</p>
<p>Essek nodded awkwardly. “Shadowhand Essek Thelyss, pleased to make your acquaintance.” He tried to keep his tone as neutral as possible, resisting to shoot a confused glance to Jester and Caduceus who were both sitting down on other pieces of garishly coloured furniture.</p>
<p>The red haired woman mustered him critically, but kept silent. She seemed incredibly tense.</p>
<p>“I was not aware,” he said lightly to Jester as he sat down, “that you made some other… <em>acquaintances</em> here in the Dynasty.”</p>
<p>This elicited a dry laugh from the other drow.</p>
<p>“Oh no,” Jester piped up, munching on a cupcake, “Jou isn’t from the Dynasty. Didn’t we tell you? Obann kinda summoned her from… where was it again? Some Flowerden, you brought us there, remember?”</p>
<p>Ah, yes, their voyage to the Lotusden.</p>
<p>Essek froze.</p>
<p>He swallowed drily and then turned his head back to the tense, redhaired and incredibly out-of-place looking woman across from him.</p>
<p>“Jester.” He licked his lip, a nervous habit he had thought long surpressed. “This… She-“</p>
<p>“Oh, no need to be nervous.” Caduceus’ gentle voice cut through his racing thoughts. “It’s all good now. We’re friends.” At that last word the woman, the Inevitable End, made a face as if she had bitten into the world’s most sour lemon, but didn’t complain.</p>
<p>“Ya. I’ve invited her.” Jester stated proudly.</p>
<p>Jester. Jester had invited the Caedogeist. Jourrael, the Inevitable End. A immortal entity associated and aligned with one of the most evil Deities known.</p>
<p>“You <em>summoned</em> me. <em>For tea and mufffins</em>.” The voice, that by all means should have sent shivers down Essek’s spine, simply sounded incredibly tired and resigned.</p>
<p>By the Light, Essek sat face-to-face with the character of many a Dynasty child’s nightmares and felt inclined to pat her on the shoulder and tell her she wasn’t the only one who had been dragged from their initial path by a overeager tiefling and her raggedy band of Misfits.</p>
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